8 Cold Truths About Sharing Nudes

Image via Complex Original

Angles matter so don't send a nude that features your razor bumps, stab and/or bullet wounds, c-section scar, weird colored veins, or some mystery rash that looks more like a cry for help than invitation to get anyone horny.

P.S. If you send a fake nude because any of the aforementioned makes you uneasy, you're a terrible person who will never, ever find love. In fact, your genitals will likely stop working in protest of your bullshit.

If no one asks you to send a nude, chances are that it's probably in your best interest not to send anything. An unsolicited nude is a sure fire way to be put on blast on multiple levels. Even worse is the possibility that you'll be greeted with one or more of the following: "I'm sorry, but who is this? I don't recognize this number or these ass cheeks."

By now, you would think everyone would know better than to show off their naked body without cutting their heads out of the frame first. Alas, in the delusional world that is 2014, some people out there think if their nudes "leak," they'll be on the come up like Mrs. West. But yeah, Ryan Seacrest isn't probably going to ever, ever see your naked body. However, homegirl from HR might see you on Instagram with caption, "Y'all remember that freak from high school? Still freaking for the 99-2000."

No matter how nice your body is, if you keep a dirty ass house, there's a level of ain't shitness to you that no six-pack or perky breasts can cancel out. Some of your cousins will gleeflly hold themselves in a room that looks like Oscar the Grouch's living room, or in some cases, the bottom of his toilet. CLEAN YOUR HOUSE BEFORE YOU SHOW YOURSELF, DIRTY THOT.

No matter how you rub it, flip it, or smack it down, if you're sending someone nude pictures, it denotes a level of thirstiness. That level can vary based on how short or long you've known a person and how quickly you've tried to solicit sex from them, but it's thirsty all the same. Which is perfectly fine, honestly, but don't front about your trying to get nasty, Peaches.

Yes, SnapChat will tell you when someone takes a screenshot of whatever image you decide to send, but what are you supposed to do about it? Track that person down, snatch their phone, and then go through their images until you delete it? Yeah, tell me how that well that scenario works out, pimpin'.

If you send nudes to a member of #TeamPetty, don't be surprised to one day discover that shots of your nipples, ass cheeks, balls will be held in the ultimate revenge/payback situation. You best be kind to those you show your tits and testicles to. I'd hate to see your body parts on my timeline under the caption, "FUCK YOU, HOE."

You may be proud of what you're packing, but the person you're sending nudes to may not be as impressed. And even if they are as equally thrilled, they're still likely going to pass the images to their friends for laughing. As in, "Look at this fool." Either way, your dick will likely become an LOL. Know that before sending anything.