Date: 5/19/14
Location: Murfreesboro, Tenn.
Crime: Public Intoxication
Ratchet Meter: 8

A Murfreesboro, Tenn. man was arrested at a bar on May 16 for attempting to have sex with an ATM and picnic table, reports WKRN-TV.

49-year-old Lonnie Hutton apparently walked through the door of the Boro Bar and Grill ("Browse our tasty and affordable dining with over 30 items priced less than $6!") and proceeded to get intimate with the machine. Authorities later found Hutton naked from the waist down, "walking around the bar, thrusting his hips in the air." Officers then took him outside and sat him at a picnic table, which of course he tried to have sex with as well.

Hutton was eventually charged with public intoxication and arrested. I'll leave it to you readers to make the inevitable "money shot" joke in the comments.