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Welcome to the latest installment of Rise & Grind, our probably misguided attempt to befriend our readers by supplying them with completely subjective "essential reading." I'm your woman of the hour (no, not like that), @ShanteCosme, and I'm going to try my hardest not to bore you. If I fail, feel free to send death threats to cityguidetips@complex.com.

Your New Gig: Managing Da Bears

Nope, not the team. You're grossly unqualified to do that. But you can swap your soul-severing 9-5 to be a glorified panda babysitter, which might just restore some color to your sooty heart. (Well, that got dark.) In addition to being paid 32K, you'll also get an SUV, free grub, and unlimited QT with the infuriatingly adorable furball below. Happy applying. [via Brokelyn]


Add Researchers to the Ever-Growing List of Sexists 

In 2014, scientists are still only testing drugs on male lab rats, an alarming fact for any woman who has ever put medication in her mouth. Female rats have "pesky hormones" that get in the way of testing, and also, you know, actually understanding how drugs will affect a female's body. This just in: gender biases don't just exist in the workplace; they exist in medicine, too. Be comforted by that. [via i09]


Your Dad: Not This Cool

Iggy's days of being a relatively obscure Aussie rapper singing about "Pu$$Y" are officially over. On the upside, this Dad and his daughter seem to have the raddest relationship ever. Watch, laugh, and weep for the dysfunctional relationship you have with your own parent(s). [via Gawker] 


Go Home Bill, You're Cut Off

Remember that adorably simplistic Schoolhouse Rock video, starring Jack Sheldon's gravely voice as THE (wonderfully charismatic) BILL? Well, it turns out things have become a helluvalot more complicated in Congress. Vox created a new, more accurate version of the video that sheds light on the infinitely more complicated process that takes place today. The takeway: #nonewbills, mostly because they're too difficult to pass. [via Vox]


Your Neighbors May Not Hate You For Playing Music After All

A NYC pianist was treated to unexpected tolerance kindness by his neighbor, who, instead of fiercely loathing the music that carried through the apartment's thin walls (or leaving a passive-aggresive note) genuinely appreciated it. The classically-inclined neighbor wrote: "Just wanted to let you know how much we enjoy your beautiful piano playing. I sleep in the room next door and seriously love sitting, listening. You are incredibly talented (as I’m sure you know). Thank You." 

It's safe to say that if you're playing EDM, this sentiment doesn't apply. [via City Room]

So, that's it for me. Off to search for more cat GIFs, because that's what I'm handsomely paid to do. Here's a melancholy Lykke Li track (is there any other kind?) which touts a bold-faced lie: (I ACTUALLY AM MADE OF STONE. #SORRYNOTSORRY)

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