Taste Testing Every Beef Jerky Brand Available at Duane Reade

Image via Complex Original

Price: $5.99
First impression: Oddly uniform. 
Tastes like: Synthetic, slightly tangy meat. 
Better than: Burnt rubber. 

"Why is it shaped like that!? It's so... round. The flavor is weirdly fake tasting. The ingredients actually aren't bad, but the look and feel of this just isn't right." - Lauretta

"It's true, these jerky slices look like the meat was chopped-up and then pressed back together. You can't see any of the grain or texture you'd normally find in jerky; It looks very processed. As for the taste, there's obviously a ton of sugar in this. It's too sweet for me. I hope the other choices are better." - Nathan

Price: $5.99
First impression: Looks normal-ish. 
Tastes like: Overpowering BBQ sauce. 
Better than: You'd have guessed it would be. 

"I'm sort of into this one. The BBQ flavor is very strong, to the point where I can't even taste the meat at all. I hadn't heard of Sweet Baby Ray's before this, but I seems like a decent-enough sauce." - Lauretta

"I don't think the sauce flavor should be so intense. Ideally, a good jerky is about the meat. That said, this tastes okay. It really is all about whether you're into Sweet Baby Ray's specific flavor. It can't hold a candle to Stubb's, though." - Nathan

Price: $2.49
First impression: Jesus christ, the cheese! 
Tastes like: You'd think it would.
Better than: The cheese it came with.

"I"m not eating the cheese. This is supposed to be a jerky test, not a cheese tasting. Does this even count as jerky? This one just makes me wish I had a Slim Jim... I don't know if I've ever said that before." - Lauretta

"I'm with you on the Slim Jim tip—it's not often that I've longed from mechanically separated chicken. You really should try the cheese though, it's part of the experience. The actual beef stick is hard to bite through at first, but once you get past the outer casing it's weirdly soft. I think I would have liked this better as a kid." - Nathan 

Price: $7.99
First impression: Looks like alien Jell-O meat. 
Tastes like: Alien Jell-O meat. 
Better than: Starving to death.

"Ewww, why does it look like that!? You can almost see through it if you hold it up to the light. Those sesame seeds don't exactly look appetizing either. It's really sweet, and the consistency is just off." - Lauretta 

"Yeah, this is almost translucent. I know turkey jerky has a different consistency than beef, but is it supposed to be this soft? It's also very sweet. I'm not into this one at all." - Nathan

Price: $7.99
First impression: Looks like actual meat.
Tastes like: Overly smoky meat, but meat nonetheless. 
Better than: The other options.

"The smoky taste is overpowering and a little bit chemical, but the consistency is good. It looks and feels like actual meat. It's probably my favorite of the bunch, but that's not saying much." - Lauretta

"I agree that the consistency is nice, but the flavor is overly smoky. Still, I could imagine myself eating this on a long car ride without grossing myself out." - Nathan