Address: 1131 Polk St.
Website: hemlocktavern.com

Polk Street has all the bootyclub sleaze and then some of The Marina without the arrogance of white-bro privilege. Hemlock Tavern is the oddly out-of-place getaway for south of Market artsy types. It looks like a dive bar (because what else?) except that it's huge and the establishment has gone to great lengths to swank out the smoking patio, which is as indoor as can be in The City That Hates Tobacco. Here you can watch a pink-haired goth girl fondle the abs of the guy that wore his breathable cycling jersey to the bar while he asks, “How old do I look?” This bar is also cash only, giving you one more reason not to patronize this unnatural disaster.