Gavin McInnes of How to Fight a Baby fame recently teamed up with Vans' OffTheWall.TV to create a video series entitled How to Do Everything in the World. You may find yourself saying, “That’s a lot to cover,” but never fear, because the self-proclaimed "Godfather of Hipsterdom" and creative director at Rooster has brought you the only five guides you will ever need to make it through life as we know it. In the fifth and final video, featured above, Gavin teaches us all how to survive prison. In an exclusive interview, we spoke with the comedian to find out what his personal experience with prison was, and how to remain calm, cool, and collected in life.
Interview by Rob Gearity (@Grobbington)
Why this How-To?
Oh, I’ve just been hearing these stories for years. I’m fascinated by prison. Every time I meet someone who’s been, I have to sort of bite my tongue not to start with the questions. But after we’ve talked for a bit, I feel like we’ve been chatting for a while so can we get to the juicy stuff. It’s just such a fascinating world and the stories are all so intense. There seemed to be some patterns when you hear the stories, so I thought let’s get them all in one place.
You tell viewers how to create a prison spread. Ever considered your own prison cooking show?
That would be fun. Well, I would hate to go to a real maximum security prison. I’ve got three kids and minimum security sounds kind of awesome. Get some books in there, learn guitar, maybe get a Spanish Rosetta Stone. Malcolm X said that every man should go to jail for a year, but the beauty of everything being illegal these days is that we’ll all probably end up there at some point.
What’s the one meal you would eat for an entire 20-year prison sentence?
That’s a good one. I’m gonna have to go with blistering hot pizza, like that Diablo pizza, when they put on jalapenos and banana peppers. Thin crust pizza where it’s so hot that you have to blow your nose. Oh wait, I should have said the fried chicken at The Cardinal. It’s a restaurant in the East Village that’s got Southern food. Anything hot—I like suffering through a meal.
Complex now has the inside story on each of Gavin’s insanely accurate and funny life guides, including How to Drink in a Bar, How to Fight, How to Meet Women, and How to Fly. Make sure you check them all out.