Gavin McInnes of How to Fight a Baby fame recently teamed up with Vans' OffTheWall.TV to create a video series entitled How to Do Everything in the World. You may find yourself saying, “That’s a lot to cover,” but never fear, because the self-proclaimed "Godfather of Hipsterdom" has brought you the only five guides you will ever need to make it through life as we know it. In the second video, featured above, Gavin teaches us all how to fight. In an exclusive interview, we spoke with the comedian to find out more about his fighting style, his fighting track record, and why running is actually effective.
Interview by Rob Gearity (@Grobbington)
Why this How-To?
It’s a big part of being a man. I think the main tenets of being a man are you have to beat the sh*t out of someone, you have to have the sh*t beaten out of you, you have to have your heart broken, and you have to break a heart. I’m not saying these things are good or bad, just certain rites of passage you have to go through to get the man medal.
I hate how you watch some sort of instructional thing or talk to someone in martial arts and they all have this bullsh*t about ‘Grab his inner hand, twist that 90 degrees, and push forward,’ and you’re like, 'I can’t grab his hand, he’s punching me!' That sounds great if the guy was already dead, and I could sit there picking his pinkies and twisting them any way I want. Really the only tip that makes sense is soft tissue. You gotta go for the eyeballs and the balls, and then get the hell out of there. So I was like, let’s do a fight guide that actually works and doesn’t involve someone being Jason Statham.
You’re often running away after one quick shot. What does that say about your real-life fighting style?
I’m a tough wimp. So I will fight anyone in the world and I will almost definitely lose. I’ve worked it out. I’ve won six percent of the fights I’ve been in. So, that’s my advice, and that’s why most of those are like that--just get in and get out.
You’ve won six percent of the fights you’ve been in? How much fighting have you actually done?
Well, I grew up in the punk and hardcore era, and there was something about the late '80s that there were fights every night. It was just a part of our youth. I think it’s a really healthy thing to go through as a young man; when you’re in a situation as an adult, and someone’s trying to be intimidating, your brain goes, 'Well, what’s the worst case scenario here, a fight? I don’t care.' I’ve done that a million times. What are you going to do, punch me in the nose? My nose is already in the shape of a letter G.
Any other go-to combat moves that didn’t make the cut?
I mean, I guess the eye gouge is a big one. I guess, really, the soft tissue one. I didn’t squeeze that into the guide, so that would be right for the eyeballs and the nuts.
Complex will continue getting the inside story on each of Gavin’s insanely accurate and funny life guides, including How to Drink in a Bar. Make sure to check back for exclusive behind-the-scenes coverage, photos and, of course, more interviews with the originator himself.