A Man's Guide to Surviving Brunch

Just because you've eaten breakfast your whole life doesn't mean you're ready for brunch. Here's how to live to eat eggs benedict another day.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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So you’ve been invited to brunch. Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us. Sooner or later we're all dragged into the vortex of billowy hats, crepes, and frittatas. You spend your whole life eating breakfast, and suddenly, out of nowhere, you find yourself munching on scones at 1 p.m. There’s nothing you could have done to prevent it. Once you move to a hip neighborhood in a big city, you quickly discover that no one eats breakfast. Besides, who wants to eat large portions of reasonably priced food in the morning when you could have brunch?  Brunch is as much a part of modern city life as dog parks and food trucks—ubiquitous and sometimes annoying. The best you can hope to do is survive it by using these key strategic methods. Oh, you’ll still leave the meal emotional drained, overloaded on the pop culture news, and a little drunk, but at least you'll get out alive.

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Make No Plans For the Rest of the Day

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Fifteen Minutes Late is a Half Hour Early

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Sit Down Last

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Invent A Dietary Restriction or Two

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Eggs Benedict Are Your Friend

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Don't Mention A Fellow Bruncher's Walk of Shame Until They Bring It Up

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Talk Television and Dating Not Politics and Religion

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No One At Brunch Cares About Sports

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Never Commit to a Second Location

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Accept That You Will Leave Drunk

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