Admit it, you’re all about pizza for lunch today.
The millions of other people who watched the 86th Academy Awards last night are right there with you. Once again proving why she’s your favorite actor’s favorite host, Ellen Degeneres killed at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles, cleverly interacting with the audience of Hollywood A-listers throughout the ceremony. The Oscars, for once, really felt like a party, one complete with delicious pizza for all in attendance, hilarious teleprompter fails, Liza Minnelli looking like she was transported in from another dimension, Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o’s now-infamous brother, and Amy Adams’ surprisingly sensual dance moves.
The awards themselves were, in another Oscar anomaly, all agreeable. Hurray for 12 Years a Slave winning Best Picture! Bravo to that movie’s heartbreaking Nyong’o beating previous victor Jennifer Lawrence for Best Supporting Actress! Thank heavens American Hustle was shutout! All hail the almighty master public speaker Matthew McConaughey for winning his first-ever Best Actor statue! (And sorry, Leonardo DiCaprio—hopefully you were able to drunk-dial a couple supermodels last night for a little sorrow-drowning menage.) And congratulations, Jesus!
As for the broadcast’s best non-statue moments, here are all the awards that should’ve been given out at last night’s Oscars. Pizza not included.