How did we find restaurants before Yelp? It’s hard to remember back through the fog of history to a time when the only ways to find out about a restaurant were through word of mouth and attractive signage. Today, we can see 50 reviews of the deli on the corner with only a couple taps on our smartphone. It’s a great system; the only problem is the people writing the reviews. For the most part, people are reasonable, but there are some reviewers who ruin the Yelp experience for the rest of us.

We are gathered here on the Internet today to review the Yelp reviewers. It is time to call out the ridiculousness of many amateur food critics across the Internet. We’re here to be supportive, but we also want to remind you that Yelp is not therapy nor is it place for you to seek revenge against restaurateurs who have wronged you. Yelp is simply a place to tell other people how much you enjoyed a restaurant. To help those of you who are bit unhinged when it comes to culinary issues, here is a primer on How to Write A Yelp Review That Doesn’t Make You Sound Like A Crazy Person, in 10 Easy Steps.