The Streets may have said it best back in 2002, but it bears repeating because, really, who remembers The Streets? Stoners at their worst are harmless and at best are bleeding hearts, sensitive people who would like to see a kinder, gentler America. Alcoholics, well, shit, I shouldn't have to elaborate on that one.

I invoke the word "alcoholic" and all kinds of nasty associations rush into your head. (That is unless you're an alcoholic, in which case, stop reading this and get your ass to a meeting.) Marijuana is the high road, or perhaps the middle way. You know this intuitively, but denial and delusion remain widespread, so I'm going to drive the point home by presenting the ways in which kush is morally superior to alcohol.

NOTE: In retrospect, the responsible way to research this article would have been to smoke weed every day, all day for a week, and then to get drunk every day, all day for a week. Oh well. Next time.