On this week’s episode of The Bachelor, the crew visits Da Nang, Vietnam to irritate locals and browbeaten pedicab drivers. Renee scores the episode’s first one-on-one date, where she’s outfitted with a hideous dress and, per usual, obsesses about the possibility of kissing Juan Pablo. Nikki scores the other one-on-one date, which involves repelling down a large, ominous looking cave. It's as much fun as it sounds!

The group date is a bamboo boat cruise. It starts out rather innocuously, but concludes with Clare and JP boning in the bacteria-infested waters of the Pacific Ocean. After his Korbel champagne buzz wears off, Juan Pablo decides that banging in the low tide was mostly Clare’s fault and blames her for setting a bad example for his daughter. 

During the rose ceremony, JP sends Danielle, Alli, and that chick whose occupation is listed as “dog lover” packing. No surprises there, but next week is going to be an absolute blood bath.

To make order of The Bachelor’s ceaseless fuckery, Complex Pop Culture ranks the show’s contestants every week based on their desire for meritless fame. Without further ado, this is the fifth installment of Thirstiest to Thirstiest-est: The Bachelor Power Rankings.

Sean Evans is a writer based in Chicago. He's incredibly boring on Twitter, but we're obliged to provide his handle @seanseaevans.

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