Urban legend highlight: The immortal snack food
Believability rating: 4
The Ancient Egyptians used to put honey in their catacombs because it lasts forever while obese Americans are likely to horde Twinkies for the day those Ancient Egyptians rise as Annunaki alien zombies and try to eat some measly Westernized brains. Despite what you've heard about Twinkies being able to last forever, that's just not true. Modern Twinkies only have a shelf life of about 45 days, which is actually double the shelf life they had in 2012. Without butter, milk, and eggs in Twinkies, they can last exceedingly longer than cakes with those ingredients and not appear like they are rotting, but that doesn't mean you should eat a Twinkie over the age of one and half months. That Twinkie hidden in the Apocalypse Box is likely staying intact thanks to hardcore preservatives, much like the heavily-botoxed faces of half the female actresses in Hollywood.