The Worst Party Schools in the U.S.

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Location: Hillsdale, Mi.
Lamest rule: No Gay-Straight Alliance allowed 
Punishable vices: Drinking, sex, drugs
Reason to compromise: Acclaimed degree in Politics

Party on, Wayne. But not at Hillsdale College, which has enough party rules in its social conduct guidelines to turn any instance of fun into a snoozefest. National Review called Hillsdale a "citadel of American conservatism." Students are required to learn the "great books" and the tenets of the United States, regardless of their major. Enforced patriotism and old-school rules do not include our forefathers' habit of getting tipsy before signing any legally binding documents. While alcohol is not banned per se, the rules basically prohibit booze from being served at every place a student would want it to be. It can't be served during the school week, so basically from 7 p.m. Sunday to Friday at 3 p.m. The Greeks are not allowed to serve alcohol. Kegs, jello shots, and alcohol-based games like beer pong are prohibited and all parties must be attended by a party monitor. While abstinence is not necessarily enforced on campus, no contraception or information on sex is provided on campus. If a student wants to learn anything about sex, they risk getting kicked out looking at "improper, lewd, indecent, and obscene" content online.

Location: Ruston, La.
Lamest rule: No alcohol in dorm rooms
Punishable vices: Sex, alcohol
Reason to compromise: Designated space grant college

When people think of Louisiana, they imagine humid nights and inebriated women trying to entice men with their womanly wiles in exchange for colorful beads. They think Girls Gone Wild antics caught on tape after Mardi Gras or spring break. They think red-hot New Orleans-style jazz that inspires Hurricane-guzzling which leads to projectile vomiting on the streets. But not at Louisiana Tech University. The "bible belt" university shares many of the fun-halting elements of most awful party schools: no conversations about sexual health, an intense conservative Christian background, militant curfews enforced on dorms, and no booze in rooms to boot. Everything needed for an awesome, semi-naked kegger near the Southern city of sin? Not going to happen here. Keep it moving.

Location: Grand Rapids, Mich.
Lamest rule: Open house tours for dorms
Punishable vices: Sex, drugs, alcohol
Reason to compromise: Awesome theology school

This ain't no Animal House. This four-year liberal arts school is a haven for Protestants who don't want anything to do with sex, drugs, or rock 'n' roll. In fact, they can't even swill wine to ease the pain of a failed final. Calvin College is a 100% dry campus with strict no-sex rules. If you're caught drinking at Calvin College, you're immediately put on probation and dorm rooms are constantly regulated by things like "open house tours" for co-eds, and RAs who only allow the opposite sex in at certain hours. The craziest thing that goes on at Calvin College is "Chaos Day," where residents of the seven living halls decorate their space with a theme, dress in costume, and sing to get their rocks off. Nothing sounds sadder than a sexually-frusturated undergrad.

Location: New York
Lamest rule: No contraception
Punishable vices: Sex, fun
Reason to compromise: Internationally ranked business school

The most unique part of this super-conservative college is its New York City location. The private co-ed research facility is a Catholic college, so the school maintains all the tenets of the religion despite being nestled in a liberal urban setting. This incredibly selective school only takes the best of the best and is dubbed the Catholic Ivy League for a reason. But that's where this school's comparisons to Ivies ends. The school prides itself on an atmosphere that doesn't condone the sort lifestyle one would get in an exclusive Greek system. The University bans contraception and requires anyone who wants to have a party to register their event a week ahead of time. Talk about a buzzkill.

Location: Greenville, S.C.
Lamest rule: No celebrity pictures
Punishable vices: Sex, drugs, alcohol, porn
Reason to compromise: A quality nursing school

Never heard of Bob Jones University? That's because the rules at the school (which was established in 1927) are so ludicrous that they even rival those of urban legends. Beyond the strict dress code, the Protestant university doesn't even allow students to go buckwild on spring break. Instead of the spending their time away from college decompressing, students with a at Bob Jones University are required to take a six-day Bible conference. Single Bob Jones students must become parts of educational societies in order to socialize with the opposite sex in an innocent environment and aren't allowed to look at pornography or pictures of celebrities. No private time with Jennifer Lawrence and no sex? Cruel world.

Location: Chicago, Ill.
Lamest rule: No porn 
Punishable vices: Sex
Reason to compromise: High acceptance rate

Chicago State University might be the school of the Cougars, but the mostly female campus probably doesn't have any chain-smoking 40-somethings scouring the grounds for their next young male catch. Just talking about sex might be enough to get your bags packed: the school doesn't allow pictures of a sexually explicit nature on the walls and opposite sex visitors aren't allowed to stay overnight. The lack of health care surrounding sexual needs at Chicago State University is so dire that the school came in at the bottom of the Trojan Sexual Health Report. Allegedly, the school started to buy up porno-y domain names to keep perverts from using the .xxx sites, but everyone knows ending the surplus of Internet smut will prove futile. Without cute cat videos and pornography, the Internet wouldn't exist.

Location: Malibu, Calif.
Lamest rule: No homosexuality allowed
Punishable vices: Alcohol, drugs, sex, sodomy
Reason to compromise: A top-notch law school

"Freely ye received, freely give," says the motto of Pepperdine in the 'Bu. The gorgeous private university sprawls across one the most expensive and exclusive places to buy houses in the United States. But while the motto hints at openness, and the close proximity to movie stars might suggest Pepperdine is a den of iniquity, that's far from the case. If that that's what you seek, pack up your kegs and head to University of California, Santa Barbara. Pepperdine doesn't allow sex, booze, or out-and-proud gay people. Lindsay Lohan might be chugging iced coffee drinks at her rehab down the street while making out with a girl, but Pepperdine students are expected to hold a level of decorum that their celebutante peers regularly diverge from. The rules about sex are so strict at Pepperdine that same-sex dorms are segregated by a fence. A fucking fence.

Location: Provo, Utah
Lamest rule: No short skirts
Punishable vices: Alcohol, sex, tobacco, tea, coffee, drugs
Reason to compromise: The highly-rated sports teams

Brigham Young's top-tier athletic teams are probably the only ones playing with balls. The school, one of the most well-known across the county in terms of its conservatism, is the largest religious university in the United States and is operated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or in layman's terms, Mormons. BYU's honor code makes it the last place you'd want to attend a party. The second rule on the list is for students to "Live a chaste and virtuous life." That includes following the dress and grooming standards, which include knee-length or longer dresses on women, making the sexy sorority girl mini-skirt a punishable fantasy. It's pretty common for Brigham Young students to marry young, because in many Abrahamic religions, it's the only time having sex is actually admissable.

Location: West Point, N.Y.
Lamest rule: No PDA
Punishable vices: Sex, alcohol, drugs, hugging
Reason to compromise: World-class military training

Overlooking the Hudson River, the beauty of West Point is lost amidst military rigidity—literally. The school is a four-year co-ed military academy with a Cadet Honor Code that requires all of the students to stick to an intense regime of academics, and physical training. All students are also required to play a sport and have moral and ethical training. West Point is considered a "Stone Cold Sober" school by Princeton Review, which is in part due to the rigorous training of the cadets and their lack of interaction (for the most part) outside of the strict regime of West Point. Uniforms keep the vibes homogenized and the sex appeal to a minimum. Which is good, because there is a no hugging, kissing, or PDA rule that means making out on the couch after a bong rip is completely and utterly impossible at West Point. For shame.

Location: Tulsa, Okla.
Lamest rule: No unmarried sexual activity off-campus
Punishable vices: Sexual activity on and off-campus, drinking, smoking, breaking dress code
Reason to compromise: High med school acceptance rates

Despite the name, all oral exams at Oral Roberts University are under the tutelage of a stodgy, dried-up old professors. As a Pentecostal Christian liberal arts college, Oral Roberts prides itself on keeping students from engaging in all sexual activities. They keep tabs on students by making them sign an Honor Code pledge that prohibits "illicit, unscriptural acts" that includes drinking, smoking, dressing immodestly, "homosexual activity," and sex with someone who isn't a spouse through traditional marriage. According to the pledge, the rules don't just apply on-campus. The pledge stipulates that students must follow these rules off-campus, too. There is no contraception available on campus and opposite sexes aren't allowed to hang out in each other's dorms, but there is a relatively decent 1:30 a.m. curfew, which compared to the rest of the rules at Oral Roberts University, makes it seem ripe for misbehavior. That is, if someone could break through the chastity belt and had the proper resources to build an underground tunnel from the dude's dorms to the dames. Can't get no satisfaction here.