Where would we be without Boyz N the Hood, Friday, DeadPresidents, New Jack City, and the other great '90s hood movies? They introduced the world to so much: Nia Long, the joys of malt liquor, the evidence that a charismatic sociopath could be your favorite character (respectful, timid shouts out to O-Dog. Amidst all the fun, these beloved 'hood classics taught the world more than a few tactics to make it through this newly lionized decade.
Barbecues, house parties, church—Kid n' Play and Ashtray showed you how to navigate those crucial social events with style. Nia Long, Janet Jackson, Jada Pinkett—John Singleton and the Hughes Brothers introduced you to these hopeful goddesses that helped open up your sentimental shakras. How to pass on your problems to your tougher best friend—Smokey taught you that (maybe, that wasn't the best lesson).
Let's go movie by movie to explore What 90's Movies Taught Us About the Hood.
Might as well forget about replenishing your precious electrolytes. Grocery stores only carry malt liquor 'round here.
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Try your best to latch on to the Most Wholesome Girl With Goals: Nia Long.
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When Furious Styles speaks, you listen. #LESSON alert!
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Deposit? Count it, make sure everything is all there.
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Blaring "Ice, Ice Baby" can lead you down the wrong exit into Newark.
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The window is always the best escape to avoid being murdered by your girl's mom.
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If Nia Long is taken, take your chances with the second most Wholesome Girl with Goals: Jada Pinkett.
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You better bring a nuclear missile to a nuclear missile fight.
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Velvet tracksuit, Kangol buckets, gold ropes—you need all three to ball in Harlem.
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Your 40 over everything, including your girl.
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If you can't ball, you better know how to scratch.
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Have fun with the chores. Ladies will be walking on those clean floors soon enough.
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Don't talk about your problems.
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Don't ever believe a girl that says her friend looks just like Janet Jackson.
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You will be clowned for thinking you were going on a date with a girl that looks like Janet Jackson.
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Until a charismatic white woman takes over, your chances of going to college is zero.
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Number one in party planning: daily rehearsal with your best friend a week in advance.
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After you change from your tracksuit, you're going to have to ball, again. With gangsters, over Chinese.
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Stay in one spot in the party where your girl can always find you.
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Fair fight? Nope. Never.
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Rounding out the top three '90s Wholesome Girls with a Goal: Janet Jackson.
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Your debts don't die just 'cause you do.
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Your friends are going to play some mean pranks on you. Wear a diaper.
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The ladies will be fashionably late to your party; your boys will be annoyingly early.
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You have get your groove on at every event, including the barbecue.
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In some 'hoods you may need to match your clothes with your food to fit in.
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You better be ready to show and prove at church.
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It's not so bad to pretend to be called for dinner when the neighborhood bully comes around.
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If you want to live to see tommorow, don't ever mention anyone's. No, not even to wish her a happy birthday.
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Because there is no such thing as quietly taking a beatdown.
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Don't ever accept a drug kingpin's invitation into his car. This may happen.
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You're going to need to escort your grandma to the corner store.
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Your net worth is roughly $4.95.
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When the cops pull up, your best escape route is through the alley (statistically speaking).
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Hey, Bishop. I just beat you in NHL '95 again, how you feel about that?
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Of course.
RELATED: The Best 90's Board Games
Written by Frantz Rocher (@FrantzRocher)
