20 Things We Don't Need Anymore Blogs About

Image via Complex Original

There is a real demand for fitness blogs on the Internet. It just so happens that his demand has already been met and then some. Personal trainers, exercise science scholars, and professional athletes use the web as a platform for sharing their fitness secrets. Anyone with an Internet connection can get advice from all corners of the exercise world. It is great to be able to read up on crossfit, yoga, weight training, and marathon writing whenever you like, but we can't imagine how difficult it is to stand out in the fitness blogging world. Unless you have a great angle or MBA level entrepreurship skills, you'll likely remain just another body in the squat rack.

If you are starting a homespun gossip blog, odds are that you don't really have the journalistic expertise to actually break a story. If you lack TMZ level connects, then all you are doing is commenting on news that has already broken. This means that you are basically a hairdresser without that added bonus of being able to cut hair. Perez Hilton has already cornered the market on being the snarkiest blogger in town, so if you can't match his snark and don't have paparazzi exclusives, you might want to limit your Selena Gomez rants to Facebook.

There is always room for analysis, reviews, and curation of culture. Fan sites, however, are something that the Internet doesn't need anymore of. The temptation is great for people to launch fan sites, as the clicks from the Tumblr crowd can come fast and furious. If you get the itch to launch a fan blog and you're at an age where it would be weird if your parents threw you a bowling alley birthday party, think again. Fandom means unconditional approval and if you aren't interested in having a conversation, stand down and let a high school sophomore with budding literary chops handle those duties.

Corporate blogs are some of the saddest writing in existence. With their mix of PR, false modesty, and a misunderstanding of Internet trends, corporate blogs ensure that they can only really succeed ironically. The best a company can really hope for with blogs is they don't result in public embarrassment. We have to imagine it's only a matter of time before these worthless blogs are phased out of corporate websites. Until then, we'll keep cheering for interns to bring shame and scrutiny on their corporate overlords when they mess up their well-intentioned propaganda.

If there is at topic that everyone fancies themselves an expert on besides politics, it's sports. There have been a number of people to rise from anonymity to national prominence as sports bloggers, but we're pretty sure that your odds of getting into Harvard Law are better than landing a full-time gig at Bleacher Report solely on the strength of your high school lacrosse blog. If you think you have something to offer that isn't already being handled by ESPN, Grantland, Football Outsiders, Kissing Suzy Kolber, Deadspin, Fox Sports, Uni Watch, Yahoo Sports, Sports Illustrated, and Complex Sports, feel free to fire up the blog. We'll be over here ignoring it.

Believe it or not, you aren't the first person to get the bright idea to supplement your burgeoning writing career by writing about writing. And, really what writer doesn't want to hear the advice of a struggling writer as they try to navigate the process and business of writing? If you've ever taken a writing class of any kind, you already know that the answer is no writers want to read that advice. We already read Stephen King's On Writing and we're just waiting for our uncle's friend to get back to us about our screenplay. In the meantime, we'll be playing Candy Crush thanks.

Making fun of hipsters has replaced baseball as our national pastime. Though there are few things we love more than snarky blogs at Complex Tech, we have to say that it is probably time to stop with the hipster hate. Nobody likes embodied pretension riding a fixed gear and swilling PBR, but all the criticism to be made have already been fired off. There maybe be some anti-hipster extremists out there who feel the need to continue these diatribes, but they'll no longer be able to claim they were hating on hispters before it was cool.

Oh, so you're a chef? No, okay, so you're a food critic? Also a no. Interesting. So, you like food? Believe it or not you are in the majority there. In fact, we would be far more interested in seeing a blog curated by someone who isn't a fan of food at all. That would make for some interesting reading. That would be something unique. As for your take on the new Molten Lava Cake at T.G.I.Fridays, we're probably going to pass on reading that post, even if you include a recipe for making your own version at home.

If it takes you more than one sentence to describe the genre(s) you focus on in your music blog, do not start that music blog.

Bloggers who blog about blogging and "social media experts" are the snake oil salesmen of the Internet age. The only reason to read most of the takes from these gurus is to mock their self-assured, wonkish tone. Of course, to get to actually making fun of these blogs, you have to get through sentences so heavily laden with industry jargon that they sink off the page. We're sure that there are actual helpful social media and blogging experts somewhere on the Internet, but they are awash in a sea of click-bait charlatans. Perhaps one of these blogging gurus will come along with a way to separate the wheat from the chaff in this crowded space, but until then, we'll continue to avoid meta-blogging like we avoid pop-up ads and tween GIF Tumblrs.

Despite the number of fashion blogs I've had the displeasure of stumbling upon, I'm still not clear on exactly what qualifies someone to start a fashion blog. Rarely do these bloggers have a background in fashion nor do they have inside knowledge about the industry. It seems that the qualification is that they 1. Spend lots of money on clothing and 2. Take pictures of themselves wearing that clothing. This is truly inspiring. I am currently wearing a grey sweatpants and grey t-shirt ensemble with camouflage pattered slippers, and I can't help but wonder if I am really only the right Instagram filter away from becoming the next great fashion blogger. First, I have to learn how to do that thing where you make a collage of several pictures fit into one Instagram picture, but it's good that I have room to grow.

Sir, I have read The Onion. You are not The Onion. As such, it is time to put down the notebook full of Affordable Care Act website jokes and step away from the laptop. There are certainly still ways to bring something fresh to the satirical space, but if your brilliant idea for a comedy blog is to do what The Onion has already done better, then don't expect to pick up too much traffic. A great example of how there is still space for good satire is relative newcomer Reductress, a site that takes aim at feminist blog culture rather than traditional media outlets.

The only thing more boring than other people's children are other people's pets. Okay, they made a mess around the house. Fine, you taught them to dance to "Gangnam Style." Sure, you bought them their own doggy costume for Halloween. It doesn't matter: no one wants to see picture or read writing about it. The only way anyone wants to look at a picture of your pet is if they are strategically covering your otherwise nude body, and even writing about that would be boring.

Unless of course, you own Grumpty Cat. You have to love Grumpy Cat.

Think about this for a second: have you ever been interested in discussing someone else's fantasy team? Even the brilliantly entertaining Matthew Berry and the ruthlessly analytical Christopher Harris struggle to keep fantasy advice interesting across their various platforms. What makes you think that you can stand out from the dozens of self-proclaimed fantasy gurus who clog your feed every Sunday morning? A ten year winning streak in your fantasy league might be enough to win you a trophy and the respect of your peers, but you're going to need more than that to pull readers to your blog. Everyone knows that Adrian Peterson is the best. Do you have a new way to say it?

You've got to be good to make a mark with a blog like this. The blog "How May We Hate You," which offers snippets of interactions between hotel concierges and their foolish customers, is actually pretty amazing. The odds that the day-to-day exploits at your job are as funny as theirs are next to none. Though you might get an endless kick out of the spreadsheet errors that show up in your work records, you really should ask yourself if your workplace exploits have universal appeal before you start a blog. If people want to hear someone humorlessly whining about their job, they'll just wait for their roommate to get home. [Author's Note: J.K. Ian, I love hearing about those kooky customers of yours. Make sure you do the dishes before you head out for the night. -B]

Apparently, all you need is a picture of your city's skyline, a few Jack Kerouac quotes, and an essay about the road trip you took last summer, and you too can start a soul searching blog about making your way in the world. Unless you staged a successful IPO for your startup or brought an end to famine in sub-Saharan Africa, odds are that nobody wants to hear about your early adulthood exploits. We all move to new cities. We all start new jobs. We all have casual sex as often as possible. And we all second guess our every move. Unless you can bring something to the table outside of pictures of lattés you drank and rundowns of your workplace meet-cutes, save the writing for your journal.

Everybody's trying to get paid. All that any of us want to do is get out from underneath the day jobs that stand between us and our dreams. Writing tribute blogs with titles like "Hire Me [name of famous blog]" or "I Want to Write for [name of magazine]" isn't likely going to get you there. Start your own thing with your own voice and then you might attract the attention of those people that you desperately want to give you a look. Publications like Grantland, The New Yorker, and Vulture already have writers who form their brand. They are looking for the next set of writers to take their brand into the future.

According to census data, there are 158 million women in the United States. 85 million of these women are mothers. This means that you'd better have one Hell of a gimmick to draw me to your mommy blog. Perhaps if you are also a rodeo clown or an arctic researcher, I could be motivated to give your blog a quick read. If your deal is that you force-feed your child organic food or that you also sell cupcakes, it is best for you not to get your hopes up. A good rule of thumb for aspiring parental bloggers is to consider if the reader could get the same insight by calling a family member and asking them how their child is doing. If they can get similar stories and knock out an overdue family check-in, they likely won't be reading your blog.

The hate has gone too far. Running an active blog takes daily work, and no amount of traffic is worth the kind of person you become if you spend several hours a day thinking hateful thoughts. Whether your ire is directed at an actor, a sports team, or a food (damn you, iceberg lettuce, why can't you just be spinach?), it is probably best not to give in to the dark side. The Internet is already a dark and disturbing place; you don't need to make things any worse. Besides, Katt Williams has already told us that having haters just makes you stronger.

It goes without saying that the correct number of hate speech blogs in the world is zero. It is commonly accepted that prejudiced blogs aren't something we need more of. For some reason, incredibly sexist so-called "men's rights" blogs get a pass from a large portion of the Internet. Let's be clear, there should be a space on the Internet to discuss masculinity. Ideally, Complex can be such a place. The common arguments on Men's Rights blogs like "Should a man who can carry two bricks in his wheelbarrow earn the same pay as a woman who can only carry one?" do not offer the kind of discussion we should be interested in. Men's rights bloggers are a pretty even mix between delusional gender conspiracy theorists and man-boys in arrested development aiming to hurt women because they never learned to relate to them. It's about time we brought an end to men's rights blogging, one man at a time. If you have any doubts about just how terrible MRAs can be, Jezebel's continuing coverage on the subject should be enough to encourage you to distance yourself from this culture.