One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to model their lives off of Hollywood celebrities. These overpaid, egotistical, pampered stars are about as insightful as a fortune cookie, yet people continue to worship their every word. However, there is one man in Tinseltown worthy of your attention. Someone whose career has taught us how to live our lives like proper Americans and honor everything our forefathers worked so hard for. That man is none other than the former governor of California, and the star of Twins, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Schwarzenegger came to the United States at the age of 21 in search of — what else? — money and women. He soon became the quintessential American success story and absolutely owned the ‘80s and ‘90s. During this time, he starred in countless blockbuster movies, married into the most powerful family in the country, the Kennedys, and became a pop culture phenomenon the likes of which we haven’t seen since. He capped this amazing run off by being elected as the 38th Governor of California, a move that still feels like it was more satire than reality.
Like any great American politician, Schwarzenegger’s career soon went down in flames amid adulterous scandals involving illegitimate children and accusations of sexual harassment. Now he’s picking up the pieces of his life by returning to the one place where scandal makes you a bigger star: Hollywood. This Friday, Arnold is reuniting with Sylvester Stallone in a prison break movie called The Escape Plan. In honor of his return to the big screen, we’re looking back fondly at 10 Life Lessons We Learned From Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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When showing people your smile, try not to put the fear of god into them.
Machetes are valuable tools in settling disputes with your neighbors.
This is how you land a Kennedy.
No matter how much money you make in your lifetime, there is still more to be made by becoming a corporate shill.
It’s acceptable to cross-dress as long as you are still the strongest member of the sewing circle.
When someone steals your seat, gently remind them who is boss.
Punching a horse in the face is a victimless crime.
Lathering up your biceps in baby oil is just as important as brushing your teeth every morning.
You can still become the governor of California despite appearing in this.
Remember to just kick back and enjoy life — but not too much or else you might wind up with a secret love child with your housekeeper.
