10 Ratchet MLB Player Retirements That Kenny Powers Should Put to Shame

Because the "Eastbound & Down" star pitcher has so much more to strive for.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Tonight, at 10 P.M., Eastbound & Down returns for the show's final season. After faking his death in an effort to let go of his major league dreams and start a quieter life with wife April and their child in last season's finale, Kenny Powers (Danny McBride) is back! With Kenny seemingly done with the game of baseball, The People's Champion is once again jonesing for the money and fame, and he's determined to get it by any means necessary. 

As a retired athlete, Powers is art imitating life for some former baseball players who struggled to stay on the straight and narrow after their playing days are done. But, believe it or not, the man with "an arm like a damn rocket, a cock like a Burmese python, and the mind of a fucking scientist" can behave so much worse. So, to give The Shelby Sensation something to strive for in season four, here is 10 Ratchet MLB Player Retirements That Kenny Powers Should Put to Shame

RELATED: The Kenny Powers Soundboard

Lenny Dykstra

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Carl Everett

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Dwight Gooden

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Orlando Cepeda

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Jose Offerman

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Albert Belle

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Milton Bradley

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Ty Cobb

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Jose Canseco

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John Rocker

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Kenny Powers is nothing if not off-color, making him a student of John Rocker. If you aren't familiar with Rocker's, um, work, here's an excerpt from a comment he made about the possibility of playing the Big Apple:

"The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?"

You get the idea. Rocker has verbally fallen off the rocker more than once by vomiting racism. He once called his African American teammate Randall Simon a "fat monkey." He defended former manager Ozzie Guillen's use of homophobic language, saying, "This is a free country. If he wants to use a lewd term, he should be able to use a lewd term." 

Powers is going to need to up the ante in the show's fourth season in order to trump Rocker. But we're sure it would be a challenge that Powers wouldn't mind taking on. 

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