The Fourth of July is hands down our favorite 'banks are closed' holiday of the entire calendar year.

It used to be Halloween, but after a certain age you can't run around in a ski mask, after dark, dressed head to toe in black without being stopped for questioning. We blame Obama. Anyway, Independence Day is the one day of the year where you can be as loud, drunk, and unabashedly patriotic as you'd like without being removed for delinquency. You can act that way whenever you'd like, but at least on the 4th you'll have company. Add grilled meat, open flames, and the unsupervised handling of explosives, and you've got a clear winner over Christmas.

We've got 364 other days to worry about crippling student debt, America's vast domestic spying programs, drones, and our wildly debatable foreign policy. We get one day a year to pretend we're the good guys from every Die Hard film of the last 20 years. We can go back to citing Chomsky and shouldering our liberal guilt about being the New Roman Empire on the 5th. Give me a can of Bud Heavy and help us count The 25 Best Video Games Where You Kick Ass in the Name of America.

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