Video Game: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
Last Seen: Redefining what "bouncing on granpa's knee" means.
Profiler's Note: He will insist on watching the kids.

Literally a dirty old man, Old Snake has decades of black-ops experience to make sure you never tell anyone how Grandpa touched your bathing suit area. When not attempting the unlawful imprisonment of minors, Snake enjoys telling war stories in the men's locker room of the neighborhood fitness center. Often taking waaaaay longer than he needs to towel off, Snake never misses a chance to tell you that you should call him 'Snake'. That flavor saver moustache of his just happens to be the cherry on top of the perv sundae that Snake's life has become post-retirement.