We're living in a post-Paula Deen racist rant world. This means many things. For one, no more burgers with glazed donuts as buns (we've since boycotted them), but more importantly, exactly zero tolerance for xenophobic emails. Yet, that's exactly what surfaced in our inbox this morning.

It began innocently enough, with inquiries of how our summer was going, but just two sentences in, we were knee-deep in what appeared to be a rant against the terrifying "other:" "Are you also done with those messengers which look dirty, don’t speak proper English, Smell[sic] and don’t know how to behave in a corporate, retail or residential environment[sic]?" 

I'm sorry, did we just step into a scene from Pocahontas? "THEY'RE NOT LIKE YOU AND ME, WHICH MEANS THEY CAN'T BE TRUSTED." They smell like food we don't eat. They speak with an accent that's unlike our own. We can only assume it's dirt caked on their skin that gives it that warm brown color. And worse yet—they seem unaccustomed to the stifled politeness of corporate interactions! 

Perhaps most ironically, the Dutch Express claims their messengers are "clean, neat, well-spoken and behaved individuals and dressed in very nice and clean Dutch Express outfits," but judging from a photo we tracked down (shown above), they look more like a rejected dance squad from MTV's now-defunct America's Best Dance Crew. 

A word to the wise: If you're hoping to solicit new business, you might want to hold off on mass-emailing racist sales pitches, and reconsider the name "Dutch Express." Unless of course, you're delivering doobies.