Don Draper's 25 Greatest Sonnings

More ether than Nas.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Last time we saw Don Draper, in the penultimate episode of the sixth season of Mad Men, he was assuming the fetal position. This is a far cry from the coldly confident ad man we've grown to, not love necessarily, but something close to care about.

Don can be a bastard, as evidenced by so many of these scathing put-downs, such burning moments of ether that the viewer can only wince from the safety of their couch. Many of these sonnings are deserved, either because of incompetence or disrespect, but that doesn't make them any less savage.

Behold, Don Draper's 25 Greatest Sonnings.

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25. "Who the hell is in charge, a bunch of accountants trying to make a dollar into a dollar ten? I want to work. I want to build something of my own. How do you not understand that?"

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24. "Why? Because your parents are rich? Because you went to prep school and have a $5.00 haircut? You've been given everything. You've never worked for anything in your life."

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23. "I'd have my secretary do it, but she's dead."

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22. "I eat a lot of apples."

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21. "No one will like you."

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20. "You already know about Jesus, either he lives in your heart or he doesn't."

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19. "Did you ever think I left you there because I thought you could handle it?"

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18. "You do not 'cover for me.' You manage people's expectations."

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17. "Oh, that's right. We have the one whose planes didn't just fall out of the sky."

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16. "Now that I can finally understand you, I am less impressed with what you have to say."

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15. "It wasn't a lie, it was ineptitude with insufficient cover."

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14. "Well, that was actually my ex-wife and her husband, and some slob who's about to have the worst dinner of his life."

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13. "That's not a strategy, that's two strategies connected by the word 'and.' I can do 'where the pros go' or I can do 'everyone's welcome,' not both."

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12. "Listen, Pete, I need you to go get a cardboard box. Put your things in it. Okay?"

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11. "Let's take it a little slower; I don't want to end up pregnant."

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10. "You want some respect? Go out there and get it for yourself."

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9. "Go to Paris."

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8. "Here's the name of the person who'll be handling your account from now on."

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7. "Well, gentlemen, you were wondering what a creative agency looks like? There you have it. Hope you enjoyed looking in the window."

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6. "Peggy, I'm glad that this is an environment where you feel free to fail."

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5. "I don't think about you at all."

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4. "But what is happiness? It's a moment before you need more happiness. I won't settle for 50 percent of anything. I want a 100 percent. You're happy with your agency? You're not happy with anything, you don't want most of it, you want all of it. And I won't stop until you get all of it."

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3. "That's what the money is for!"

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2. "Well, I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent."

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1. "On a bed made of money."

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