Even if you are on the other side of the street, you are in this guy's way. He weaves around food carts and elderly pedestrians with the same condescending self-satisfaction that bloggers get from pointing out Seth MacFarlane's misogyny. Based on the smug look he reveals when he speaks about his marathon training, you'd think he's doing charity work. He's not. Some guys have booze, some have women, he has jogging. He even wears his outlandish outfit when he is grocery shopping. Sorry, he's just too busy to go back to his crib after his 10-miler and change out of his package-displaying tights before he heads to Duane Reade to pick up some IcyHot. Once you escape the long discussion of his intervals, he leaves you with "Let me know if you ever want to go for a run some time." Spoiler alert: you don't.
1. Overpriced in-ear headphones
2. Under Armour that is somehow loose on his lithe frame
3. Wrap-around sunglasses so he can better ignore fellow pedestrians
4. iPod with Nike+ integration
5. Compression pants which he refuses to wear shorts over
Related Douche: The "I Only Hang Out Below 14th Street" Douche