Strip club crimes have given us headlines both ridiculous (Couple Mistakes Police Station For Strip Club) and tragic (Man Paralyzed By Crazy Horse Too Bouncers).

Somewhere in between lies an amusing mass of crimes you might not have read about, and can't even understand. Yes, urinal slaughters and assault by breast milk can happen. No, we can't explain.

The following stories are some of the most outrageous crimes that have ever occurred within five feet of a stripper pole, including one that was eventually adjudicated on the People's Court by Ed Koch. 

Think before you touch: The 15 Stupidest Strip Club Crimes.

Written by Bubbles Burbujas (@StripperTweets), a career stripper who hopes her boss doesn't find out about her writing work. 

RELATED: The 50 Best Strip Clubs in America
RELATED: 25 Ridiculous Strip Club Signs

RELATED: Hot Strippers You Should Follow on Instagram
RELATED: The 10 Things Guys Should Know About Strip Club Etiquette