We don't really expect anyone to get invited to a party that center's on Animal Planet's The Puppy Bowl, but watch the remote. That chick that looks like Janet Reno has a hankering for some mutt-based entertainment and not even a blitzing Ray Lewis can stop her.

It'll start with a her "just checking it out" during commercial breaks. Then, it becomes a four-minute-long gushing and—next thing you know—you've missed a block punt on account of a beagle mix's "adorable dog nap!" If you arrive to a home that proudly displays an ASPCA refrigerator magnet, open up the back of the remote and swallow its AA batteries. 8.7 million people watched The Puppy Bowl last year. Don't become a statistic.