How to Treat Women According to the Guy Who Wrote "The Notebook"

Take notes, or just carry on with your relationship like a dick, apparently.

Not Available Lead
Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

Not Available Lead

Author Nicholas Sparks has a way of making us all feel like we're doing relationships wrong. Considering every one of his novels-turned-films from Message in a Bottle to the upcoming Safe Haven, we can already tell you there's clearly not enough row boat rides under the sun, epic jump-kisses in the rain, and tear-stained, poetic letters in our love lives. And that's just a fraction of it. This is 10 ways to treat girls according to the guy who wrote The Notebook. Because if she's a bird, then you're a damn bird, too. Got it?

RELATED: The Ryan Gosling Guide to Impressing Women
RELATED: 10 Reasons To Never Watch Adaptations Of Nicholas Sparks Books
RELATED: The 50 Worst Romantic Comedies 

RELATED: Gallery: Unflattering Channing Tatum Photos That Your Girl Won't Find Sexy

LIKE COMPLEX POP CULTURE ON FACEBOOK

Terrify her into going out with you.

Not Available Interstitial

Don't speak to her, just smile.

Not Available Interstitial

Let her know how she's feeling inside.

Not Available Interstitial

Threaten to get her wet.

Not Available Interstitial

Kiss her in the rain.

Not Available Interstitial

If it's not raining, kissing her in the shower will suffice.

Not Available Interstitial

Announce all sexual advances.

Not Available Interstitial

Keep her by your side, or else she'll marry the terminally ill guy.

Not Available Interstitial

Pelt her in the face with mud.

Not Available Interstitial

Explode the clothing off her body.

Not Available Interstitial

Put her on your boat.

Not Available Interstitial

Put her on your smaller boat.

Not Available Interstitial

Sacrifice your sense of self to make her happy.

Not Available Interstitial

Silence her.

Not Available Interstitial

Make her feel alive by trying to get her killed.

Not Available Interstitial

Waterboard her with kisses.

Not Available Interstitial

Buy her a star.

Not Available Interstitial

Latest in Pop Culture