How to Go From "Just Friends" to Friends with Benefits

Image via Complex Original

If this is a girl you've been casually friendly with for a few months, trying to change your status doesn't involve much of a risk. But if this is someone who knew you when your look was diapers and onesies, make sure you consider the consequences.

Ask yourself if your desire is borne out of real feelings or a temporary situation, aka, a short-lived stint of loneliness. If you've recently broken up with someone, or are having a month when you're getting around a whole lot, slow your roll. Consider waiting a few weeks before making a move that could make for an awkward situation.

While we hate to advocate this method, but it's too effective not to: Encouraging a little jealousy is the best way to make her see you in a new light. You don't actually have to find another woman and post 256 photos of the two of you making out on Instagram. All you need to do is drop a few hints here and there about a girl you thought was hot in the coffee shop or the cougar that's hitting on you at work.

The most important part of this is to be subtle; don't start painting a detailed picture of your boss's sheer black stockings or the barista's inappropriate cleavage. Your goal is to help her realize that there are other women in your life and that your equipment is working just fine. You'd be surprised how an insinuating comment or two can get her suddenly feeling very hot.

It's important to be dependable, but when you want a woman to realize your worth, you have to force her to stop taking you for granted. This does not mean ignoring her voicemails. It also doesn't mean pretending you're busy when you're not, or ditching her at parties.

All it means is not being on-call 24/7. Stop responding to her texts twenty seconds after you receive them. If she says she has plans with someone else Friday night, and then asks you to come hang out that evening when they fall through, tell her you're busy. And if she's regularly asking you to walk her dog while she's out on a date, stop being a wuss, and just say no.

Everyone likes feeling cared for. While you shouldn't be too accessible, going above and beyond once in a while will show her that you are attentive and reliable. It may not click for her quickly, but when she gets tired of the jerks and wants someone who will pick up her mom at the airport even when it's inconvenient, she'll know you're the one.

You may be wondering how you can be both elusive and present at the same time. The trick is to pick and choose the right moments. Don't disappear on her when something serious is happening—a job interview or a family crisis, for example. Help her out in any way you can instead.

Play hard to get when there's no gravity to the situation—like when she asks you to get her laundry or meet up at a party on short notice.

While the New York Times may think that dating is as outdated as landlines, you should know better. If you want to get intimate, there's no way you'll be able to do it while an entire group of your friends is chugging whiskey and flattening PBR cans on their foreheads.

Show her your intentions by orchestrating some alone time. We don't care how you do it—suggest an activity only the two of you enjoy (Skeeball, anyone?) or tell the rest of your friends to bail at the last minute. Just find a way to be one-on-one with her in a place that's more romantic than a frat house's living room. Seeing you in a new context might finally switch the light bulb on.

For many women, a man who knows what he wants and is confident in securing it is sexy. Again, avoid taking this advice to the extreme—don't start commanding her like she's an untrained puppy or refusing to compromise. Just be more decisive.

Instead, make the decisions sometimes. Tell her what you want to do, pick the bar you're meeting at, suggest an appetizer, choose the movie, or decide whether to cab it or take the subway. Careful to do only one or two of these at a time; no one likes a bossy pants.

This is the single most important thing to remember: Avoid getting with her good friends at all costs. There is no more of a surefire way to make her place you on her mental list of untouchables. You might think that your becoming unattainable will lead to her naughty side coming out and make her want you even more. You're wrong.

Don't fall into that trap. It's never a good idea to make a woman choose between you and her besties, nor is it smart to latch on to someone with whom she categorically refuses to compete with.

Lots of men complain about being friend zoned. Whining is boring—quit moping and figure out a way to stop your descent into the depths of friend-hood. The best way to do this is to remember that you're a fucking man. You're not the boy you were in seventh grade when your voice was high-pitched, your mom did your laundry, and you wore a Ninja Turtles T-shirt to school every day. Act like it.

If she friend zones you, she's objectifying you by relegating you to a category. You're a person. Gather your balls in your fist, turn your confidence up a notch, and call her out when she jokingly says you're "basically like her brother." No, you're not. Because if you were, that would be some mad incestuous shit.

You think about how cute it is when her hair falls in her face all the time. You stare at the crinkle in her eyes when she laughs. You're sappy around her. Admit it, and stop concealing your thoughts like they're nuclear weapon plans. Make bedroom eyes at her occasionally. Mention how sexy her haircut looks. Tell her the jeans she's wearing hug her curves in the best way possible.

With compliments, all the parties involved reap benefits. You feel generous and she feels hot around you. If she feels hot around you, she starts to associate you with positive feelings and wants to hang around you more. The more you hang out, the better she feels, and the closer you are to your goal. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Most women have been in the following situation: They're friends with a guy, can sense his deeper interest, and grow frustrated over time when he never speaks up or makes a move. Don't be the loser who stares at her forlornly at parties like a little boy salivating in candy store window. Step in, or in this case, step up!

If you're feeling things, start showing it. You don't have to go all melodramatic on her and spill everything out one drunken night; go slowly and build up to your finale. After all, that's how the best climaxes happen.