Sure, the tooth fairy teaches children the ways of capitalism from a young age, but its folklore is undeniably creepy. The tooth fairy is said to be a mythical figure who, when a child loses a tooth, goes into said child’s room at night while they’re fast asleep, and replaces the tooth with a small amount of money.

As kids, we’re supposed to get all excited at the prospect of the loss of our youth equating to cold hard cash, but how is it that hardly anyone is thrown by the prospect of some alleged “fairy” standing over us while we’re sleeping in search of our old tooth? What kind of sick deviant keeps a collection of children's teeth anyway? Reality check, guys: Homegirl wants a piece of our bone structure for a quarter. What’s next, our kidneys?