Classically, Cupid is the Roman God of love, but to children on Valentine’s Day, he’s a just a baby who, with his bow and arrow, gets to control who people develop crushes on. We’re not sure why this is supposed to be considered a good myth to tell children come this manufactured holiday, because that doesn’t read happy and joyful to us—it reads loss of free will. He might as well be drugging us!

Additionally, in paintings and in sculptures Cupid is depicted as a little mischievous asshole, rather than the adorable little cherub greeting card companies would like him to be. So, even history thinks he’s more inclined to just mess with people and their emotions than to actually perform any real miracles for the broken hearted.