The Sketchiest Reviews of "Massage Parlors" on Yelp

What happens on the table, stays on Yelp.

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Image via Complex Original
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Inappropriate things can happen on massage tables. Swedish massages sometimes turn illicit in a matter of rubs...or tugs. Towels are tossed to the wind. Whether it's legal or not is another story entirely. 

There's an elaborately coded language to describe these illegal liaisons. "Table shower" or "body work" are the most commonly used phrases to describe hand jobs and other eyebrow-raising acts. There are also hundreds of NSFW acronyms describing the far more specific things that can and do go down. This is deeper than happy endings. Just look at the sketchiest reviews of "massage parlors" on Yelp.

RELATED: The 25 Funniest Strip Club Reviews on Yelp

Starting the Day Right

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Tried It Myself

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Tiger Wasn't Into It?

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Thinking About Baseball

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On the Table

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A Highly Recommended Tug

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Shampoo for Your Body?

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In Memory of Mike C.

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How Many Os?

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But Was It Fun?

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Till Human Groans Wake Us

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Towels with holes? Heavy breathing? Groans? What happened to you, Aaron F.?

"You Want?"

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Like a Calcutta Orphan

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Quotation Marks Tell the Tale

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A Giant Jar

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Who Is Ruggy?

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How Many Quarts

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Never Again

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You plan a trip to Foot Town, and think you've done everything right—except you didn't count on the creeper wanting a detour to Ass City.

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