You're a newly realized vegan majoring in philosophy, who really has no idea what you're gonna do when you graduate, if you ever graduate. Mostly, you sit around and read books, contemplating the postmodern metanarrative of existence while basking in the grace of your own brain power. So many people to judge, so much hate to cultivate—when are you gonna have time to vote? Likely, you aren't. It's okay, neither of these candidates are Übermensch enough to save us anyway.