How to Hook Up with an Upperclassman

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The easiest way to overcome her assumptions about your age is to separate yourself from wallin' frat boys who are doing their best impersonation of Frank the Tank.

She's been at school for a few years, and frat parties are nothing new to her, which means she's less likely to be projectile vomiting on her fellow revelers. But you're fresh on the scene, and she'll fully expect you to be an amateur booze hound who can't hold his liquor and is so high on his newfound independence he wants to party all the time.

Act apathetic in the presence of kegs, resist the urge to be on ten every night, and give the impression that you can handle your damn self, and she'll consider you above the likes of your wilding peers. 

At the end of the day, it's not your graduation year but your quick wit that will win her over. Set yourself apart from the other guys your age (and hers) who are gawking at her from a distance, waiting until they've had a few more beers before they attempt to kick it by making a straightforward, confident approach.

A self-assured stance from your first interaction will ensure her you can handle yourself for the night in question and beyond. Because truly, our worst fear is a trembling boy who is awkward and unsure of himself. We're terrified of being blindly manhandled in the dark by a guy who thinks a clitoris is a tool used by anthropologists.

Assure us you know how to handle yourself from the first words out of your mouth, and if you're lucky, we might bank on the chance you'll be able to handle yourself elsewhere.

No girl wants to feel like she's preying on the incoming freshman class like a cougar-in-training. Even if she's interested, she's probably apprehensive about what her friends will think about her supposed dip into the cradle. The easiest way to ease her fear is to act like the age difference between you is the furthest thing from your mind. 

If she feels like she's just a conquest you can brag about to your boys, it's not going to happen for you. Make it clear her appeal lies in who she is, not her age. Emphasize that years between you isn't a drawback, or even appealing, it's an inconsequential detail that you're not even concerned about.

Age is just an element of perceived power. Like looks, success (or assumed chance of success after college), or intelligence, it is a chip we play in dating to gain the upper-hand. It's invisible, no one acknowledges its presence, but it holds weight.

If you treat her like she's an upperclassman, and routinely refer to her as being "more experienced," asking her to "show you the ropes," and generally acting as though she's more mature or superior to you any way, her age will be something she holds over you (whether she realizes it or not). She'll think she's out of your league solely because you're treating her like she is.

Instead, treat her like the two of you are on a level playing field, because really, you are. Some older guys can be immature assholes, and some younger guys seem to project confidence and poise. Maturity and age aren't always dependent on one another.

If you're not hooking up with that upperclassman you have your eye on, it's not because you're a few years younger, it's because you don't have your shit together. It's less about age, and more about what she assumes you don't bring to the table that an older guy would.

Prove that not having your major picked doesn't mean you're ambition-less. Assert your intellectual capability and seem like you're invested in your classes and your future (beyond next Friday night.)

And please, set yourself apart from the clueless clowns (both young and old) by taking her out on a legit date. Think beyond the dining hall; paying for a meal on a tray with a card your parents loaded isn't romantic. Cough up some of your own cash and take her off campus. Maybe then she'll actually take you seriously.