In a mere two days, one film will divide the nation: Magic Mike. Not in the know? You should be. Despite its seemingly innocent title, the movie isn't some family flick about a quirky magician who brings cheer into the lives of neglected orphans; though, judging from the trailer and commercials, there are plenty of tricks to go round, ones which include gyrating, leather-clad crotches in faces. In other words, the mysterious event your girl has circled, starred, and put a giant heart-shaped Post-it next to in her calendar is a movie about male strippers.

Guaranteed to send men into hiding, denial, or both, the much-hyped release is loosely based on star Channing Tatum's previous life as an exotic dancer. Formerly known as "Chan Crawford," Tatum takes on the alias "Magic Mike" in this weekend's muscle-packed lady-killer. In addition to abs of steel and big dreams of custom furniture entrepreneurship, Mike features a crew of surprisingly credible actors (Matthew McConaugheyMatt Bomer) playing dudes with names like "Tarzan" and "Big Dick Richie," further ensuring that every screening morphs into its own bachelorette party, leaving only traces of smuggled cranberry-and-vodka beverages behind. 

Trying to keep your lady from seeing this movie is pretty much delaying the inevitable, but we've got just the remedy to ensure that its star doesn't turn her head for too long: a batch of unbecoming photos. Check out our gallery of Unflattering Channing Tatum Photos That Your Girl Won't Find Attractive. Consider this a public service.

Follow @ComplexPopCult