Though Michael Blanchard passed away a year ago from colon cancer, his family waited until recently to publish an obituary in his honor - and it is, in short, the most epic obituary ever.

An excerpt, for anyone who's skeptical:

Weary of reading obituaries noting someone's courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors' orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died.

Blanchard's memorial was held yesterday, and, as detailed in his obituary, was probably also an epic event. "So many of his childhood friends that weren't killed in Vietnam went on to become criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats. He asks that you stop by and re-tell the stories he can no longer tell. As the Celebration will contain Adult material we respectfully ask that no children under 18 attend."

He was truly an inspiration to us all. RIP, bro.

[via Gawker]