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"Sparks," whether delivered in a bright orange can or on the big screen, usually tends to mean you're in for a long night. In this case, we aren't referring to Four Loko's tangy predecessor, which similarly can leave a bad taste in your mouth, but best-selling romance novelist Nicholas Sparks, the writer behind the source material for this weekend's sappy cinematic love story The Lucky One.

We don't know if "lucky ones" is exactly how we'd describe the groups of men that are certain to be guilted into attendance by their googly-eyed girlfriends and wives, cheated out of their previous brownie-housing holiday plans on 4/20. Yet another reason not to count your blessings? In The Notebook author's latest piece of "chick lit" come to life, Zac Efron stars as a Marine who becomes infatuated with a woman in a photo he's come to believe is his good luck charm and sets out to find her. Simply put, come this Friday, you're going to be made to look like a chump in front of your girl by Zac effing Efron. Talk about a buzzkill.

Ever since the seemingly harmless Message in a Bottle kick-started the Sparks movie movement in 1999, each subsequent cheesy release has managed to raise the romantic bar increasingly (and impossibly) high, resulting in ruined nights, damaged courtships, and enough eye-rolling to risk permanent damage. Will the social carnage caused by the well-meaning, church-going Nebraskan ever come to an end? For those wondering just why Sparks fails to make us feel the love, allow us to count the ways with our list of 10 Reasons Never To Watch Adaptations Of Nicholas Sparks Books.

Written by Lauren Otis (@LaurNado)

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