5. In Her Wine Rack

There's a long, storied tradition of asking women to hold the work. See The Notorious B.I.G. on "Everyday Struggle": "I got my honey on the Amtrak / With the crack in the crack of her ass." Or Jay-Z on "Feelin' It": "To all the girls that bought a girdle to conceal my bricks." With that in mind, welcome to the future.

From the inventors of Beer Belly, we have the Wine Rack. As seen in Playboy and on The Today Show (and we thought only Kathie Lee Gifford held that dual distinction. Meow.), this invention functions similarly to the Booze Belly, but, as with most things designed for women, won't make you look flabby and grotesque. Any lady willing to sport one of these is the kind of gal you can take home to mamma—for a lesson in self-respect. Obviously she should be transporting something with a greater potential reward, i.e. a mention in the verse of an esteemed MC.