Imagine how much better history class would be if the Starz cable network rewrote all major historical events. Wild-eyed groupies would've lined Revolutionary War battlefields, cheering and pulling their breasts out. The headshot that killed President Abraham Lincoln would've been a donkey punch delivered by an overly enthusiastic transgender dominatrix. And on that monumental day in July 1969, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin would've 69ed with Star Trek’s Orion slave girls in the universe’s first zero gravity orgy.

Why such a dirty view of Starz? Because we’re huge fans of the franchise: Spartacus: Blood And Sand, its prequel Spartacus: Gods Of The Arena, and its sequel Spartacus: Vengeance, which premieres tonight at 10pm EST. Aside from gruesome violence and abundant stylized blood spatter (check out our Deadliest Gladiator Index), the key characteristics shared by these seasons are endless sex and undressed women—two of our favorite things. It’s a very loose and promiscuous interpretation of ancient history, one we’re sure is overdone yet we still appreciate.

The Roman Empire was a barbaric place, no doubt. But we can’t, for a second, believe that every single woman looked like a porn star. The world has never been that perfect. But enough pessimism; let us instead honor the sex-crazed small-screen phenomenon with a list of The 10 Hottest Women From Spartacus. The gods should be pleased.

Written by Matt Barone (@MBarone)

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