8. The Gershwin Theatre

Neighborhood: Midtown West
Address: 222 West 51st St.
Website: gershwintheatre.com

This was a difficult decision to make if ever there was one. Picking a Broadway theatre to tryst in is like choosing between Bernadette Peters and Bette Midler in a “Most Annoying Redhead” competition. While it is fun to pun on the shows running in other theatres, including “On a Clear Day, You Can [Screw] Forever” (St. James Theatre), “[Cock] of Ages” (Brooks Atkinson Theatre), and “How to Succeed in [Butt Sex] Without Really Trying” (Al Hirschfeld Theatre), we opted for the Gershwin. The Gershwin Theatre is the largest of the nine official Broadway Houses, so you can be choosey when finding the best seat for the saddest blow job you'll ever receive; and since most of the audience already saw Wicked last time they flew in from Kansas for a long weekend, they won’t mind either. For gosh sakes Dorothy, the show is called Wicked: that’s all your lady should need to remind her that there is no place like bone

Pro Tip: Before you take your lady into a Wizard of Oz-inspired musical in hopes of bumping uglies next to 2,000 strangers, ask her the same pointed question Dorothy would: “Are you a good bitch … or a bad bitch?