Just when you thought you'd heard of every strange crime out there, along comes the serial booty slasher. Can you imagine a crime that does more disservice to the world?
The attacker began targeting victims in the Fair Oaks Mall in Fairfax, Virginia last February, and had most recently made his mark (um, literally) on two more females in the mall and one more in a nearby H&M, making for a total of thirteen terrorized backsides.
Apparently, he randomly targeted victims and waited until they are preoccupied with their shopping endeavors before he took a quick stab (presumably with a box cutter or razor) at their moneymaker, and rushed off.
A woman's behind is for the caressing and maybe even the occasional slapping, but the slashing? Never that. Which is why we are thrilled to announce Johnny D. Guillen, who acquired the name "Corta Nalgas" (butt cutter) due to his crimes, was captured in Peru several days ago, is in the process of being extradited back to the United States.
But that doesn't mean a copycat criminal couldn't strike again. We advise that Paula Patton, Nikki Minaj and all the other ladies blessed with plump posteriors hire some extra security detail to protects their assets.