Tabatha McGurr is a Brooklyn bred-writer currently residing in Bed-Stuy with her boo and dog Coco. She's been running to the Married To The Mob blog for the past six years. In her weekly column, she gives Complex readers insight into what today's young women really think about love, sex, and relationships.
With cuffing season in full swing, all the single heads out here are frantically rifling through their female repertoires, looking for a lovely lady to pull for the harsh winter months ahead. But even with thirst in the air, it can still be difficult to find a woman that’s willing to put out for booty calls and not catch feelings—unless, of course, you’ve already been with the person. Sleeping with an ex isn’t a great idea, but sometimes it’s the only option. Sure, there’s a lot of cons involved with rekindling a romance you swore was done in the past, but the pros are plentiful too. If you’ve been debating whether or not to dial up that familiar old number, here are a few pointers to ease the decision-making process...
IT'S GUARANTEED AND HASSLE FREE
If you’re in the predicament of having to sleep with an ex in the first place, it’s probably because you didn’t manage to pile up enough new chicks numbers during the summer harvest, so shame on you. Having sex with an ex should be a last resort, and frankly, I find it a little lazy to fall back on someone you’ve already been with, especially if it might come with annoying repercussions. But I get it. You’ve already earned the P, so if you’re single and have a decent relationship with your ex, why not make the best of it? It can create a dramatic chain of events, like your girl wanting to move back in, but she probably hates you and is just desperate too, so maybe not. To be sure, lay both of your feelings out on the table so there’s a clear understanding of expectations, then enjoy tons of carefree sex without the hassle of having to hunt it down. I wouldn’t recommend going raw though. You never know what someone’s been up to after the breakup.
MAKE ‘EM KNOW WHAT THEY’RE MISSING
I’ll be totally honest: there are times when just out of principal, I dream of going back and blazing all my exes, simply to show them what they’ve missed out on after all these years. It’s similar to the concept of a revenge fuck. You plan a date, show up looking incredible, then give them multiples until they’re begging for more, except by then you’d already be out the door. It’s like going back to see your biggest hater once you’ve achieved greatness, just to prove how far you’ve made it amid their negativity. There’s nothing quite as uplifting as knowing that the asshole ex who made your life hell is now pining for your affection. Just make sure you’re actually good in bed or it could be a hot mess of humiliation all over again.
YOU HATE WHO THEY’RE WITH NOW
Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean your ex is, and most of you don’t give a fuck either way. There’s a subconscious feeling of ownership we hold over people we’ve had relations with in the past. It’s no wonder why so many couples get hung up on each other’s ex drama. A bit of that old emotional baggage always tends to get brought into the new picture. It can be excruciating to see a lover you’ve been with hanging with some new douchebag you hate. Hence the classic “what do they have that I don't?” question, and suddenly you want them all over again like it’s the first time. It’s a primal need to claim your territory. While it certainly makes for some hot sex, going after an ex that’s currently taken is a blatantly selfish move. Which is the entire point. Fuck who they’re dating now and fuck their efforts to move on. You had first dibs anyway.
FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE!
There’s a lot of banter and rationalization in the text above, but who ever said you needed a real reason to bang someone you already know you’re attracted to? If you’re able to stand one another and the chemistry is still there, it’d be a waste not to get it in, just for the sake of memories. I believe that in everyone’s romantic life, there’s always that one person who lingers throughout the years to give you little tastes here and there, and that’s perfectly alright. Like a sexual insurance policy of sorts, if your current model fails then you always have the option of falling back on your old one. With a bit of paint and some elbow grease, she’ll purr just like new.
So, when it comes to ex sex, if you’re lonely and you’ve really run out of other options and feel like it’s time to test out that bullshit myth about being “friends with benefits,” then go for it. I have yet to sleep with a past fling again, and if I ever did, it’d be a strictly one-time thing, because humans are instinctively bound to fall back into the old habits that prevented it from working before. The good news is, with an ex, there are no surprises, no games when it comes to communication, and the next morning you’ll already know exactly where the coffee grounds are located in the kitchen. I still think it’s a damn pity to give up all of the unknown waiting for you out there just for some immediate gratification, but boys will be boys.