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Tabatha McGurr is a Brooklyn bred-writer currently residing in Bed-Stuy with her boo and dog Coco. She's been running to the Married To The Mob blog for the past six years. In her weekly column, she gives Complex readers insight into what today's young women really think about love, sex, and relationships.
If you ask women what they find most attractive in a man, the majority will tell you that confidence has a lot to do with it. If a dude is secure and comfortable with himself, he’ll exude a certain strong masculinity that bitches are instinctively drawn to. Alas, not everyone has that natural ability to entice, and it’s amazing how many guys run around thinking they seem confident, when in reality, they’re just putting their insecurities on blast. It’s like the classic example uptight businessmen driving insanely expensive sports cars to compensate for a lack of something. Basically, you shouldn’t have to flex nuts if you got ‘em, and the sad thing is, half of these dudes don’t realize what they’re doing wrong. That’s why I’m here to enlighten and hopefully with my guidance you can go from turning off chicks with your weak pick-up lines to at least landing a few more numbers every time you go out. Onto the evidence...
Don’t get me wrong, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with upstanding rich men. Who wouldn’t benefit from having a few of those on the roster? However, guys that are actually rich and not just “recently on the come-up rich” don’t ever have to show their shit off. They’re simply too secure in knowing it’s already theirs. There’s nothing more obnoxious than some dude who’s pretending to ball when in the real world he still has mad dept and has been wearing the same damn D&G belt since high school. The first sign of this kind of douche is obviously the outfit, which is probably composed entirely of brand names and big logos. It’s already tacky when chicks go all out like that, but when dudes that aren’t rappers do it, I can’t stand it. Then, if their gear isn’t flashy enough, they’re sure to spend hours talking about where it came from and how much it cost, because women really give a shit about Italian silk and Swarovski cuff links. Sike. Put away your fancy little money clip and weak stack of bills, stop talking about your “investments,” and most importantly, get off your fucking phone. I absolutely despise the “important guy” look where some turd is always behind his Blackberry trying to “make a deal.” Oh, yah. Stop nervously ordering bottles at the club when you know damn well it’ll take two paychecks to pay back. You would be a thousand times cooler if you just kept it real.
DEPENDING ON GIFTS
Once again, it’s totally cool, if not encouraged to surprise your sweetie with gifts every now and then, but there’s a limit. When someone showers you presents at the start of a relationship, it’s obviously a ploy to lure you in. People don’t just hand you shit without expecting something in return. If a guy gives a girl an expensive present, it’s sort of like an insurance policy—an assumed guarantee that she’ll stick around. Plus, if you constantly have to give someone things to feel more secure, then there’s clearly something emotional that you’re not able to provide. Fancy shit is nice to have, but at the end of the day, it’s the human interaction we’re craving, and without that we start to feel like hookers.
Ugh, when will the name-dropping stop?! People have been doing this shit for centuries, but it’s still incredibly shameless and, unfortunately, it seems to work a lot. I bet even back in the 1600’s there were meager playwrights telling all the wenches, “Yo, I get down with Shakespeare” to much success. The reason this tact is so humiliating is because you’re telling us the names of people we’d rather fuck than you, and we both know it. So even if you manage to get some ass out of it, you’ll both go home the next day feeling cheated. She thought she might get to meet some famous dude but got stuck banging you instead, and you’re stuck with the realization that you’ll never be that guy. But hey, if you can find a broad dumb enough, go for it! It’s almost like a social experiment at that point. Above all, it’s a matter of principal, and name-dropping is an admission that you’re so wack that you need to depend on someone else’s name to get you places. That’s a terribly bad look.
BEING A TOUGH GUY
This is another one of those things, like being rich, where if you truly know you are, you don’t have to show it off. I love my man because he’s calm and non-confrontational, but at the same time, I know that if someone fucked with him, he could snap their cap back in a second. But dudes who are all, “Fuck everybody!” are the absolute worst, and if you ask me, they’re the biggest pussies out there. I know some pathetic bitches are attracted to such desperate macho displays, like when someone accidentally rubs on their chick at a bar and they instantly want to fight. Relax. The whole world is not against you, and acting that way is embarrassing. It may be hot in movies when the enraged boyfriend haphazardly defends his woman’s honor, but it’s not as cute in real life. I once heard about a first date gone awry when the dude got hauled off by the cops some drunk bullshit street fight, Homegirl never called again. Perhaps the most mind-boggling of all “tough guy” behavior is when men continuously slander other women and their exes, giving us a little taste of their misogynistic mind-state. I’m not sure how guys would think that’s a good idea, but any mentions of hating women, hating your mother, or any such disrespect towards females and I’m immediately putting out a terror alert on your ass.
Hopefully no guys recognized their own habits while reading this, but if you did, it’s never too late to change those faults that get in the way of your success with women. Our nervousness often trickles to the surface when trying to make a good impression. As long as you have a little perspective and try to be aware of how you’re coming off, you should be good, but I know some guys are lost causes and too infatuated with their own lame ass selves to see how corny they look to women. Then again, for every hundred wack dudes, there’s probably another hundred wacker chicks waiting to date them and hear their fake stories about traveling first-class, hanging out with A-listers, and attending Hollywood premieres. You deserve each other!