19. Conan The Barbarian
Director: Marcus Nispel
Stars: Jason Momoa, Rachel Nichols, Rose McGowan, Stephen Lang, Ron Perlman
Jason Momoa certainly looks the part, and, after watching him body fools on HBO’s Game Of Thrones, there was every reason to believe that the diesel newcomer could handle the physicality of a Conan The Barbarian remake. So color us more than a wee bit flummoxed that Momoa’s efforts to reinvent the legendary character, previously made famous by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the vastly superior 1982 film, were all for naught in this incoherent, empty excuse to splash gore and sword fights onto 3D glasses.
Speaking all of his lines in overdone baritones and mostly acting with his eyebrows and forehead, Momoa does little to rectify Conan The Barbarian’s myriad problems, the majority of which should be credited to the folks behind the camera. If you gave us $100 cash, we couldn’t recount the film’s plot, nor could we name Conan’s arch-nemesis or explain why in Thulsa Doom’s name Morgan Freeman delivers the opening narration. Nor would we ever want to.