25. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

Director: Bill Condon
Stars: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Nikki Reed, Ashley Greene, Peter Facinelli, Elisabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Jackson Rathbone, Julia Jones, Billy Burke, Sarah Clarke, MyAnna Buring, Michael Sheen, Jamie Campbell Bower

To those fanatical Twilight supporters who walked out of Breaking Dawn – Part 1, the series’ fourth, and arguably worst, installment, and said to themselves, “Man, these movies really are bad,” we can only say this: It’s about damn time. And for those other Twi-hards who still don’t realize how poorly made the Kristen Stewart-anchored franchise is, we’re throwing imaginary towels at your faces.

Based on the most provocative of author Stephanie Meyer’s books, acclaimed director Bill Condon’s (Gods And Monsters, Dreamgirls) shameless edition of Teenage Vampire Melodrama doesn’t skimp out on the long-awaited money shots, namely undead Eddie Cullen (Robert Pattinson) giving Bella (Stewart) a C-section with his fangs. But to get to the film’s tolerable scenes (and, admittedly, there are more than expected), one must endure what feels like an eternity’s worth of wedding scenes and honeymoon filler.

About 90 minutes of the movie’s two-hour frame consist of sappy inanity that we’d compare to the worst example of a telenovela, but that would insult the Spanish-speaking soap opera industry. So we’ll leave it at this: Unlike pussyfooted vamp Edward, Breaking Dawn – Part 1, complete with Twilight’s signature brand of stiff acting and hokey storytelling, sucks.