12. New Year’s Eve

Director: Garry Marshall
Stars: Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Ashton Kutcher, Lea Michele, Zac Efron, Abigail Breslin, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sofa Vergara, Jon Bon Jovi, Christopher “Ludacris” Bridges, Robert De Niro, Josh Duhamel, Cary Elwes, Til Schweiger, Sarah Jessica Parker, Carla Gugino, Katherine Heigl, Seth Myers, Alyssa Milano

Need evidence that movie stars’ names mean jack-shit, and that good scripts and expert-level direction are what really make films special? Subject yourself to the overloaded romantic comedy nightmare that is New Year’s Eve, a gigantic mess that sucks with the power of nearly 20 notable actors. A hodge-podge of several mini, intertwined love stories, none of which have any emotional impact whatsoever, veteran filmmaker Garry Marshall’s camera merely focuses on attractive, big-name stars riding on presence alone.

So what if Jon Bon Jovi and Katherine Heigl have absolutely no chemistry—it’s Jon fucking Bon Jovi and Katherine fucking Heigl on screen together! And, OMG, it’s Ashton Kutcher and Glee’s Lea Michele in the same shot! And, look, it’s another disgruntled boyfriend breaking up with his girl for dragging him to see this mind-numbing descent into the abyss of uninspired Hollywood money-grubbing.