25. Fast Five
Director: Justin Lin
Stars: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, Dwayne Johnson, Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris, Tego Calderón, Don Omar, Gal Gadot, Elsa Pataky
We’re still in a state of shock. Ready to savage the festivities with the same vitriol we slathered upon the previous sequels (2003’s 2 Fast 2 Furious, 2006’s The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift, and 2009’s Fast & Furious), we sat down to have our ears bashed and eyeballs raped last May as Fast Five started to roll. And then a strange, unbelievable thing happened: We finally understood why this Vin Diesel-centered franchise’s loyal and loud-mouthed fans keep buying tickets to these dumb, overblown, and shallow flicks.
When movies of this nature are done right, the experience of turning your brain off and basking in cinematic excess is one of life’s greatest joys. And the unavoidable truth is that Fast Five, with its enjoyable wit, eye-popping action sequences (that car chase with the bank vault is still fucking epic), lighthearted thrills, and shameless T&A, is an exemplary brain cell killer. Just bask in it, uptight haters. Trust us, before this past May, we were just like you.