Viral Date: January 2008

For all the crackpot stories about Scientology, a look inside the "religion" is exceedingly rare, so when this in-house promotional video from the Church of Battlefield Earth surfaced it was an instant sensation. Nine minutes of Tom Cruise at his glassy-eyed, pedantic best, spitting hot L. Ron Hubbard slanguistics like it's going out of style. Got thetans?

The day after the video leaked, MTV published a helpful glossary to help the rest of us "wogs" figure out what the fuck that freakshow was talking about.