9. That whole "pause" phenomenon has always confused you.

Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, all you think about is sex—yes, that’s a rather obvious sign that you have a problem. But let’s just say that your methods of revealing that one-track mind are far more innocent than licking your lips and grabbing your crotch every time a pretty woman passes by. Whenever there’s a lull in a conversation, you don’t hesitate to spit out a dirty joke, or comment on how you’d “hit that” while pointing the nearest thing in a skirt.

So any time someone follows a statement like “Man, that shit is hard” with an emphatic “Pause!”, you’re left dumbfounded. Why would anyone try to renounce making a sexual pun? Everyone should be so vocally randy! You, on the other hand, need a G-rated hobby. How about building model cars?