We're not just giving Guy Fieri flack because we abhor his aggressively spiked, eye-bleed bleach job and subtly grating enthusiasm on Diners, Drives-Ins And Dives. It's because we're concerned for America, people! 

While Guy's steel-lined stomach takes on greasy grub whipped up by rednecks at various roadside joints across the country, you sit in front of your televisions wide-eyed and paralyzed by jealousy and hunger. But when what's on the menu is aptly named white trash cuisine like "Home Wrecker Hotdogs," "Spam Pizza," and "Redneck Sushi," you can't blame us for being worried, can you? When you consider the countless unhealthy cravings Fieri has inspired with his nationwide over-indulgence in all things gluttonous, it's safe to conclude that we've identified the Prince of Culinary Darkness, and he's wearing sunglasses on the back of his head. Consider yourselves warned, America.