Make no mistake about it: Michele Bachmann is simply Sarah Palin, just stronger, faster, smarter, and less folksy. The Tea Party stalwart has been at the forefront of some of the most frightening ideas in American History and is looking to make our country a haven for big business and hell for the working class. And with the power of “God” behind her, Bachmann has made a lot of headway in the political realm; certain neo-conservatives have touted her as being our next President.

President Obama can’t just idly watch his country get taken over by a religious nut with a mad hatred for the poor, so someone has to help him out. There has to be a sex tape of Bachmann floating around that would cripple her political career. No one would elect a tea-bagging Tea Party member as their President, even if she is kinda hot. So if anyone out there has a tape, just slip it in Obama's mail slot with a nice ribbon attached.