8. She Wants to Show You Her Apartment

Though you try hard to turn the conversation to subjects that illuminate the more excellent parts of your personality (and give her plenty of opportunities to do the same) she only wants to tell you how close her apartment is. Like, she’s laid a map out on the coffee shop’s table and is indicating with tools she must’ve stolen from a cartographer how long it would take for the two of you to get there. She’s giving you the distance in terms of miles, feet, clicks—shit you’ve never even heard of. And you’re still trying to wheel the conversation back to whether Watch The Throne is in fact a rat’s nest of glittering banalities, poor taste, and the ugliness of late capitalism. Enough, Otis, it's time to hail a cab.